Inside Out

Resolving Conflicts

Teacher Lesson Guide

(swipe to advance)

Objectives

  • Awareness

  • Problem Solving

  • Decision Making

Lesson Design

45-60 Minutes

5 Min: Review Learning Objectives
20 Min: Literary Discussion: The Unmannerly Tiger
5 Min: Supporting Activity: Solution Chain
10 Min: Reinforcing Activity: Conflict Role Play
3 Min: Closing Activity

Objectives

  • Identify the correlation of "I" statements and "you" statements to escalation and de-escalation within the five stages of conflict

  • Practice creating "I" statements

  • Demonstrate understanding of the stages of conflict

Lingo List

Quantifying Words 

escalate

deescalate

diminish

amplify

intensify

Conflict Words

struggle

conflict

quarrel

fight

disagreement

Reconciliation Words

compromise

agree

settle

mercy

compassion

make amends

Aggravation Words

provoke

aggravate

bug

tease

irritate

annoy

pester

Friendship Words

support

back up

aid

assist

compliment

understand

honor

help

Cooperating Words

cooperate

patience

listen

observe

attend

accept

A simple strategy for de-escalating conflict is the use of “I” statements between adversaries. “I” statements (i.e. I don’t like it when . . ., I feel like . . ., I am frustrated because . . .) help keep emotions focused on personal accountability and minimize accusations. “I” statements emphasize that a viewpoint is subjective rather than a fact.

Like all skills, learning how to use I-messages takes practice and time to develop. In this lesson students will expand their understanding and language of conflict escalation to include the five stages of conflict Latent-Perceived-Felt-Manifest-Aftermath. Students will practice ‘"I" statements’ and utilize them in conjunction with the five stages of conflict.

Guiding Questions for Class:

What does it feel like to be complimented? What does it feel like to be accused?

Sometimes when we feel hurt by a situation, the way we react can cause a difficult moment to be worsened or improved. What are some strategies we can practice to try to control our reactions to problems so that we do not unintentionally escalate the trouble?

Reading:

The Unmannerly Tiger

“Mountain Uncle” was the name given by the villagers to a splendid striped tiger that lived among the highlands of Kang Wen, the long province that from its cliffs overlooks the Sea of Japan. Hunters rarely saw him, and among his fellow tigers the Mountain Uncle boasted that, though often fired at, he had never been wounded; while as for traps —he knew all about them and laughed at the devices used by man to catch him and to strip him of his coveted skin. In summer he kept among the high hills and lived on fat deer. In winter, when heavy snow, biting winds, and terrible cold kept human beings within doors, old Mountain Uncle would sally forth to the villages. There he would prowl around the stables, the cattle enclosures, or the pig -pens, in hopes of clawing and dragging out a young donkey, a fat calf, or a suckling pig. Too often he succeeded, so that he was the terror of the country for leagues around.

One day in autumn, Mountain Uncle was rambling among the lower hills. Though far from any village, he kept a sharp lookout for traps and hunters, but none seemed to be near. He was very hungry and hoped for a game. But on coming round a great rock, Mountain Uncle suddenly saw in his path some feet ahead, as he thought, a big tiger like himself. He stopped, twitched his tail most ferociously as a challenge, showed fight by growling, and got ready to spring. What was his surprise to see the other tiger doing exactly the same things. Mountain Uncle was sure that there would be a terrible struggle, but this was just what he wanted, for he expected of course to win.

But after a tremendous leap in the air, he landed in a pit and all of a heap, bruised and disappointed. There was no tiger to be seen, but instead a heavy lid of logs had closed over his head with a crash and he lay in darkness. Old Mountain Uncle at last was caught. Yes, the

hunter had concealed the pit with sticks and leaves, and on the upright timbers, covered with vines and brushwood, had hung a bit of looking-glass. Mountain Uncle had often beheld his own face and body in the water, when he stooped to drink, but this time, not seeing any water, he was deceived into thinking a real tiger wanted to fight him.

By and by, a Buddhist priest came along, who believed in being kind to all living creatures. Hearing an animal moaning, he opened the trap and lifting the lid, he saw old Mountain Uncle at the bottom licking his bruised paw.

“Oh, please, Mr. Man, let me get out. I'm hurt badly,” said the tiger.

Thereupon the priest lifted up one of the logs and slid it down, until it rested on the bottom of the pit. Then the tiger climbed up and out. Old Mountain Uncle expressed his thanks volubly, saying to the shaven head:

“I am deeply grateful to you, sir, for helping me out of my trouble. Nevertheless, as I am very hungry, I must eat you up.”

The priest, very much surprised and indignant, protested against such vile ingratitude. To say the least, it was very bad manners and entirely against the law of the mountains, and he appealed to a big tree to decide between them. The spirit in the tree spoke through the rustling leaves and declared that the man should go free and that the tiger was both ungrateful and unmannerly.

Old Mountain Uncle was not satisfied yet, especially as the priest was unusually fat and would make a very good dinner. However, he allowed the man to appeal once more and this time to a big rock.

“The man is certainly right, Venerable Mountain Uncle, and you are wholly wrong,” said the spirit in the rock. “Your master, the Mountain Spirit, who rides on the green bull and the pie-bald horse to punish his enemies, will certainly chastise you if you devour this priest. You will be no fit messenger of the Mountain Lord if you are so ungrateful as to eat the man who saved you from starvation or death in the trap. It is shockingly bad manners even to think of such a thing.”

The tiger felt ashamed, but his eyes still glared with hunger; so, to be sure of saving his own skin, the priest proposed to make the toad a judge. The tiger agreed.

But the toad, with his gold-rimmed eyes, looked very wise, and instead of answering quickly, as the tree and rock did, deliberated a long time. The priest’s heart sank, while the tiger moved his jaws as if anticipating his feast. He felt sure that Old Speckled Back would decide in his favor.

“I must go and see the trap before I can make up my mind,” said the toad, who looked as solemn as a magistrate. So all three leaped, hopped, or walked to the trap. The tiger, moving fast, was there first, which was just what the toad, who was a friend of the priest, wanted. Be- sides, Old Speckled Back was diligently looking for a crack in the rocks nearby.

So, while the toad and the tiger were studying the matter, the priest ran off and saved himself within the monastery gates. When at last Old Speckled Back decided against Mountain Uncle and in favor of the man, he had no sooner finished his judgment than he hopped into the rock crevice, and, crawling far inside, defied the tiger, calling him an unmannerly brute and an ungrateful beast, and daring him to do his worst.

Old Mountain Uncle was so mad with rage and hunger that his craftiness seemed turned into stupidity. He clawed at the rock to pull it open to get at the toad to tear him to pieces. But Speckled Buck, safe within, only laughed. Unable to do any harm, the tiger flew into a rage.

The hotter his temper grew, the more he lost his wit. Poking his nose inside the crack, he rubbed it so hard on the rough rock that he soon bled to death. When the hunter came along, he marveled at what he saw, but he was glad to get rich by selling the tiger’s fur, bones, and claws; for in Korea nothing sells so well as a tiger. As for the toad, he told several generations of his descendants the story of how he outwitted the old Mountain Uncle.

Open-Ended Questions:

After the reading, debrief the story using the open-ended questions below. 

Awareness

How does it feel when someone accuses you?

What are the signs that someone is being bullied?

Problem Solving

When you see that someone is being made fun of, or picked on, what can you do?

How do you decide when you should get involved in a conflict?

What reasons might a person have for not treating others with kindness? How can you learn these reasons?

Decision Making

How can someone de-escalate a conflict?

Why is it important to avoid using "you" statements?

Problem Solving Activity: Solution Chain

Instructions:

  1. Sit in a circle.

  2. Facilitator will present a problem using the sample problems below.

    • Sample problem: You forgot your homework at home. How do you tell your teacher?

    Additional problems:

    • You are missing your favorite water bottle and see a classmate drinking out of that particular brand and color of water bottle. How do you handle the situation?

    • It is your bedtime at home and the movie you are watching will last another half hour. How do you handle that situation with your babysitter?

  3. The students in the group will develop a solution for the problem by going around the circle with each child saying just one word at a time to come up with a collective solution. 

    Sample solution: Child 1 might say “I”, #2 “would”, #3 “calmly”, #4 “ask”, #5 “my”, #1 “teacher”

  4. Continue to add problems or ask the students for ideas on how to resolve the problems.

Reinforcing Activity: Conflict Role Play

Objective: Students will demonstrate understanding of cause and effect relationships and problem solving.

Instructions

  1. Read aloud to students
    “I statements” can be helpful when needing to express to others when one is affected negatively by a particular situation. Likewise, when we use “I statements” to express when we are positively affected by others, we both advocate for ourselves and praise others simultaneously.

  2. Select the Mentors (or you and 2 other students) in your classroom act out the following scenario.
    - A group of kids are spreading rumors about another student that are not true.
    - Some students make fun of the clothes that another student is wearing.
    - A student always pushes you while you are standing in the cafeteria line at lunch.
    - A student purposefully stuck his foot out to trip another student on the playground.

  3. Inform them of the first scenario and then call, Lights, Camera, Action, BEGIN!

  4. After a minute or two of acting out the scene, call “FREEZE.” Ask one of the students observing the skit to express personal feelings surrounding the behavior using an “I” statement following the format for “I” statements. (I feel _____ when ________ because________.) Ask the students to put both hands on their chest when referring to themselves.

    (Model this action if necessary for understanding the role of participation.)

  5. Ad-lib further scenarios until students get the hand of using “I” statements.

  6. At the end of the activity, explain how "I" statements can be used to express positive feelings, in addition to concerns. Provide examples to the students:

    I feel so happy when I see you all again because . . .

    I feel excited because all of you participated in . . ..

    I feel proud of you when you accomplish a goal like . . .

  7. Go around the room having students give positive "I" statements, letting others know something that we feel

    good about.” Give each student the opportunity to express something positive through the use of an "I" statement.

  8. Read aloud:

    In closing, when you are in a situation that makes you angry or unhappy because of what someone has said, or when you are positively affected by others, please remember your "I" statement and let the person know how you feel.

    I feel _____ when ________ because________.

Debrief

  • What are some words that can help you express your feelings about a negative situation?

  • What are some words that can help you express your feelings about a positive situation?

  • When we are in difficult or emotional situations it can be hard to remember to be extremely thoughtful about our language? What are some ways you think you might remember to use “I statements” instead of you statements?

  • How will this activity help you use the Four Awesome Questions?

Closing Activity

Let’s end with a closing circle activity that will remind us of what we learned as a

team working and learning as a team.

Today, we learned about “I” statements and “you” statements and practiced creating “I” statements while also learning to demonstrate understanding of the stages of conflict.

COME FULL CIRCLE- Open-Ended Questions

  • What new words did you learn today concerning listening and understanding other perspectives?

  • After today’s activities, what did you learn about standing up for yourself and others?

  • What are the stages of conflict?

  • What can we learn when we see a situation from another point of view?

  • Look at the Four Awesome Questions, how do they relate to today’s activities?

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